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PROLOGUE
THE theory of games has made winning a science
From wagers to war, as great Neumann propounded.
Little Jacks played such games in the killing of giants;
And victory was won against odds that astounded
By a now-famous mouse who roared out his defiance.
Then MY TENNIS-GAME-THEORY-- what clamoring clients
Had sought what I taught--how their praises resounded!
1.
IN TENNIS a player needs talent and skill,
And quickness and power, persistent desire,
Intensity, stamina, practice and drill
That builds muscles and nerves that are woven of wire.
He attacks with a spirit that's daring and dire.
Then he gains his advantage--is poised for the kill.
2.
And these are the reasons I took up the game,
For I had in abundance these attributes all--
Though as yet undeveloped. Some wildness to tame,
And to learn, as they say, "Keep your eye on the ball
Get in place for each shot and be firm as a wall.
" All this I d perfect and win riches and fame.
3.
Well, I studied the books and I learned to the letter
The tactics, techniques- how to handle the racquet.
How not to stand back and to be a go-getter;
Get the ball in my sights and be ready to whack it.
But for some unknown reason I Just couldn't hack it:
Whoever I played could do all these things better.
4.
But I wasn't quite ready to give up the sport
For what I was lacking in matters athletical.
So I worked out, perfected a scheme of a sort
That assured against loss. It was sound, theoretical,
Science-wise, foolproof. It worked copacetical.
I figured I'd soon be the king of the court.
5.
No matter how poor is the rest of your play,
If you always hold service, you can t lose a set.
So I learned how to drop-shot my serve in a way
That the ball would bounce backward--back over the net:
A serve that no player could ever quite get.
So my sets sometimes lasted for day after day.
6.
Well, in tie-breaker sets people found I could beat
First the hackers, then comers, soon stars of the
circuit.
I wore out opponents in meet after meet-
All better than I was. But here's how I'd work it:
With the ball on my racquet, I d suddenly Jerk it,
And drop little squigglers that tangled their feet.
7.
And the top money players were looking like fools.
Though they got to my serves, they slid into the net;
So they and the rest started stealing my tools:
They learned to serve droppers that no one could get.
Big tourneys went weeks. No one ever finished a set.
Then the brass, to save tennis. remodeled the rules!
8.
They did it before I could get to the top
And make millions, like Jimmy and Ivan and Mac.
Before I could patent my sure-winner drop,
They ruled the point lost if the served ball bounced
back.
I sued them in vain. Was my lawyer a quack!
It's a shame. I could cry;. My career had gone plop.
In my heyday a genius--and then I'm a flop.
9.
MEANWHILE, from Oslo to Melbourne to Nice
Came cables and letters and knocks at my door.
They clamored for lessons - would give me no peace.
My books on my service sold out. Every store
Handled hundreds or thousands and still wanted more.
Then my service was outlawed. The sales had to cease.
10.
But my tennis could triumph despite that rule-switch,
For I had this new weapon worked out in my head:
A new drop-shot serve with baffling hitch:
No bouncing back over. The ball would instead
Back into the net. out of reach, and fall dead.
Hey, my backbone was tingling my palms had an itch
When I thought of the outcome--how soon I'd be rich.
11.
But I tossed as I dreamed horrid dreams in my bed.
I could see in the future of tennis: demise.
The greatest of names I had ruined. What dread!
Every set, every match - they all ended in ties:
No winners, no watchers. what person so wise
Could know the world's players would choose to devise
A service like mine? That drops over and dies!
So now I must stop it before it can spread:
ENVOY
I VOW T0 KEEP SECRET MY HORRIBLE MENACE
AND SAVE FROM DESTRUCTION TIHIS GREAT GAME OF TENNIS.
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